The Enduring Impact of Altercation in Front of Kids
When it comes to children, the element of discretion plays an important part. Parents need to be mindful about any unintended altercation in front of kids.
Many parenting experts suggest parents not be too open in terms of discussion in front of their kids. Especially until they reach a certain age, keeping them from certain discussions is for their good.
COVID is one such sensitive topic to talk about, even among partners. And when we as adults have little knowledge of its random nature, we shall not let our guard down in front of our children.
It is all in our hands – whether to let it all fall like dominos, or build a strong pillar of our family life. The COVID didn’t come alone, of course, it brought a long and painful time of uncertainty, fear, doubts, and negativity.
While the governments set mandatory lockdown in some countries, it had been established that staying at home and not socializing would minimize spread. This was a discomfort for some, the opportunity for others, and safety for all of us.
When it comes to conflicts, all families have them in different intensities. However, when a child is a part of a family, certain rules must be followed for not letting conflicts affect them in the long run.
Learn more about positive parenting here.
Altercation in front of kids: Conflicts And Children In General
It is more about what not to do rather than what to do when your child is an active audience. Children themselves might not realize this, but your fights shape their point of view and actions as an adult.
Arguments may be a result of tension, stress, and spending more time with others. And when everybody is together most of the day, it can be hard to keep kids insulated from adult arguments.
It will help them to deal with great emotions when children see us talking well and remaining calm. Arguments can be substantial or low and some can be very severe.
It’s physiologically stressful for kids when parents are battling. Believe it or not, fighting causes a rise in their blood pressure (even in babies).
Even that has a detrimental effect if you play a clip of two adults battling who are not their parents for a kid. Fighting among parents generally results in children feeling a great deal of anxiety.
Countless clients of psychological therapy have recollections of battling parents. This is truly an early trauma.
Children have this mysterious way of thought where things are held accountable. It’s insane, but they think it’s actually their fault if the parents are fighting.
Children notice. They listen. They imbibe. They suffer.
A study suggests that children are keen observers of the marital conflict of their parents. They might not know how to react at a tender age but surely face adjustment problems in adolescence and adulthood.
Altercation in front of kids: Who does it affect more? Boys Or Girls?
It will not be entirely incorrect to say that it doesn’t affect children of both sexes. However, the intensity and unconscious reactions are different.
Children who are audience to marital discord and hostility have greater chances of self-blaming and depression later on. Among other symptoms, such children also become aggressive, are anti-social, and have extreme anxiety problems.
Research says that young women who have seen their parents quarreling develop emotional adjustment problems. Boys on the other hand have issues in behavioral adjustment in their respective lives.
Conflict And COVID
We know that COVID has only increased mutual tension between people. But then, what about its remedy that was perceived as a ‘safety measure’?
Turns out being healthy does not simply mean being physical. Mental health has a tremendous effect on everything. The brain affects all other functions of your body. An unhealthy mind cannot make a healthy body.
Now, how are conflicts directly related to COVID? Well, not exactly covid but staying in together for 24*7. Earlier, even though couples might have certain differences, going to work or simply going out for a walk or with some friends helped get some time for introspection.
There used to be ways to de-escalating yourself, but having each other in front of your eyes all the damn time would ruin all self-calming efforts.
War Over Love – Dr. Stan Tatkin’s Interesting Approach
Stan Tatkin is the pioneer of a couple’s therapy- psychobiological approach, applying psychiatry to relationships. The content of any given conflict does not matter in that approach, he suggests.
Dr. Tatkin stated, “Money, time, mess, physical intimacy, and kids are the five topics most argued about.” But the issue is here, it’s never really about that stuff. The method, in which partners communicate, especially in a crisis, is what triggers a conflict.
Very little is known about Covid-19’s potential social impact, but one thing is almost certain, even as states reopen. There will be a lot more misery for couples- fewer funds, less time, more stress, and potentially a lot less intimacy with no breaks from the children for school or summer camp.
We have brains that are more constructed for battle than for affection. We have more danger centers in the brain than anything else to thrive. It is part of the human condition, and in all interactions, it’s part of the problem,’ explained Dr. Tatkin.
Why To NOT Fight The battle In Kid’s Listening Proximity?
The answer is very simple. Children’s minds are like soft clay, which can take whatever shape you give them. The shape a child’s mind takes is made over years of repetition and intensity.
Furthermore, you know that the COVID pandemic is not going to last forever. Remedies and vaccinations are waiting in the queue. Why would you leave a permanent scar on anyone because of a temporary turmoil?
You are well aware that you, as parents are in a complete power position to shape and develop your child’s behaviors and emotions. You know you will reap what you will sow and sadly, your children will be the bitter fruit for themselves and others alike.
Therefore, having arguments to find solutions is not wrong, but letting them go out of the hand in front of your kids is. If you must, why not do it away from your child’s listening proximity so that it doesn’t affect them in the wrong way?
Why let a temporary brawl set a permanent impression? Concluding, you love your kids. You certainly don’t want to be the reason they seek therapy in the future. Altercation in front of kids is never a wise choice!
This write-up was to make you well aware of your mechanisms and their consequences. Knowledge is power. Use it as a catalyst for your child’s holistic growth.